They actually don’t.
They can just stop talking to her. At least, meaningfully.
They’re barely bandaging their long-open wounds, it’s no time to run head-first into a confrontation. They should heal and gather strength before (if) doing that.
I think Verbena might live with Vera. If that’s true, it could be difficult to engage less. Here’s Ivy being interrogated about not going to a dinner: https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch16-p06/
Telling someone off doesn’t bring closure, I think. Bringing the problems out in the open could lead to closure. Saying how you feel hurt, rather than labelling people as bad. Maybe you are right about delaying that conversation. But, I think Vera would push for answers.
Yes, it might be difficult if they live together. I don’t think they necessarily do. This society seems to guarantee the bare minimum to anyone who asks, like those apartment that Abeille got just after showing up. No luxuries, but since Verbena probably has SOME job, she either lives on her own or would be totes fine starting now.
Yes, Vera would demand answers, but not for the correct questions. Less “where did I behave badly?” more “why are you so ungrateful?”
She would ask some questions that are either thoughtless or cruel, or even seem healthy without a context but would trigger one or both sisters.
I think we, the viewers, are pushing for *our* closure in wanting to see Vera taken down a couple pegs. But this might not be the best course for the sisters here.
It would bring closure for out *frustration* at seeing someone we’ve grown to empathise with enduring horrible behaviour, to see the horribly behaving person being told “to bugger off” or “what for”, but it won’t necessarily bring closure to people who most deserve it.
I’d be afraid the mother would try to intervene with that by throwing all the bad stuff at once.
I feel like if they want to see what their relationship is like, they should taper off including her in their life and thoughts.
This is really touching, but the truth is that it won’t be as easy as that.
Change is hard. These two have indeed been pitted against each other since so many years, so just changing what is likely instinctive at this point will be rough enough and take a long time. Both will slip up a lot – Vee possibly more, given how impulsive she is. They will still hurt each other and need to follow up on wanting to change by being able to forgive.
And that’s the work needing to be done without even counting in their mother, who will definitely not just accept this change. Unless both Vee and Ivy decide to be done with their mom at least for some time – especially Vee needs to get out of her influence – this won’t work. Changing yourself when the one who caused you to end up like you did is still around and influencing you is basically impossible.
I really, really hope that Ivy and Verbena can overcome their differences. But to even start any sort of healing process for their sibling relationship, the mother needs to be stopped. Most of that work will be on Verbena, since she’s the one who is desperately seeing her mother’s approval. So before anything between Vee and Ivy can be fixed, Verbena needs to find a new goal in life and be able to accept that she won’t get her mother’s attention, ever. And that hurts and is horribly hard to do, even as an adult. I wonder if she will be able to pull it off. She always acts so tough and independent, but I feel that inside, she’s really still a little girl just looking up to her mother. In a way, she needs to grow up first.
That’s why I’m against them immediately confronting their mother about the whole thing. It’s bound to backfire on so many ends.
I think they should both go beige/gray rock on the mother, and give each other space too. Vee desperately needs to discover who she is as an individual and see herself without the lens of the mother and Ivy and the whole toxic dynamic.
Recovering from long-term familial abuse takes much more than one heart-to-heart talk, Vee needs to actually let the burn wounds close and scar before diving back into toxic environment
The last panel says to me it’s not over. There’s a lot a lot a lot. Being willing to work on it is the best.
It’s very interesting to me seeing how Verbena is creating a path, while being very confused and having problematic behavior. Her true will is making a difference. I need this reminder for when I interact with people and get upset, to look at what they are motivated by and what they are getting at.
We all want their mother to be told off, that would be immensely satisfying, but sisters are under no obligation to deliver it for us right now.
They should focus on their emotional safety (avoiding further emotional damage such confrontation would definitely cause), not our closure.
Vera likes to be the center of attention, that was also brought up in the reference to Verbena jumping into the ocean, that Vera ‘fainted’ after the bots got her out so she would be the one getting attention instead of her child who just jumped into freezing water. Their best revenge would be to not give her attention one way or another really, to completely cut the cord and not respond to her. Whether or not they give her notice or not would be up to them, but no longer feeding into her desire to be the central focus would both help them repair hard feelings between them and make Vera more uncomfortable than being told off, probably. As is said so many time with the news, even bad publicity is good publicity.
There is really no point in taking “revenge” on someone for being a narcissist. Just because someone is bad for you does not mean that a suitable strategy is being bad to them.
The “Grey Rock” method IS the method for dealing with narcissists, though. Not for revenge, you are correct, but I believe it’s the current recommended “strategy” to cope with their existence in one’s life.
My sister and I have a similar dynamic with our mother.
It’s a lot easier to solve than anyone so far has mentioned: Just maintain the lie. Don’t assume you’re smarter than your parent, don’t try to troll them with fake information, just maintain the lie and build a relationship behind closed doors.
Oh gosh this was the perfect ending.
Now they both need to tell their mum to bugger off!
They actually don’t.
They can just stop talking to her. At least, meaningfully.
They’re barely bandaging their long-open wounds, it’s no time to run head-first into a confrontation. They should heal and gather strength before (if) doing that.
I think Verbena might live with Vera. If that’s true, it could be difficult to engage less. Here’s Ivy being interrogated about not going to a dinner: https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch16-p06/
Telling someone off doesn’t bring closure, I think. Bringing the problems out in the open could lead to closure. Saying how you feel hurt, rather than labelling people as bad. Maybe you are right about delaying that conversation. But, I think Vera would push for answers.
Yes, it might be difficult if they live together. I don’t think they necessarily do. This society seems to guarantee the bare minimum to anyone who asks, like those apartment that Abeille got just after showing up. No luxuries, but since Verbena probably has SOME job, she either lives on her own or would be totes fine starting now.
Yes, Vera would demand answers, but not for the correct questions. Less “where did I behave badly?” more “why are you so ungrateful?”
She would ask some questions that are either thoughtless or cruel, or even seem healthy without a context but would trigger one or both sisters.
I think we, the viewers, are pushing for *our* closure in wanting to see Vera taken down a couple pegs. But this might not be the best course for the sisters here.
It would bring closure for out *frustration* at seeing someone we’ve grown to empathise with enduring horrible behaviour, to see the horribly behaving person being told “to bugger off” or “what for”, but it won’t necessarily bring closure to people who most deserve it.
YAASSSS! I’m so proud of both of them! Now team up and tell your mom what for!
I’d be afraid the mother would try to intervene with that by throwing all the bad stuff at once.
I feel like if they want to see what their relationship is like, they should taper off including her in their life and thoughts.
D’awwwwww
Perfect end to my work week! I haz a warm fuzzy!
This is really touching, but the truth is that it won’t be as easy as that.
Change is hard. These two have indeed been pitted against each other since so many years, so just changing what is likely instinctive at this point will be rough enough and take a long time. Both will slip up a lot – Vee possibly more, given how impulsive she is. They will still hurt each other and need to follow up on wanting to change by being able to forgive.
And that’s the work needing to be done without even counting in their mother, who will definitely not just accept this change. Unless both Vee and Ivy decide to be done with their mom at least for some time – especially Vee needs to get out of her influence – this won’t work. Changing yourself when the one who caused you to end up like you did is still around and influencing you is basically impossible.
I really, really hope that Ivy and Verbena can overcome their differences. But to even start any sort of healing process for their sibling relationship, the mother needs to be stopped. Most of that work will be on Verbena, since she’s the one who is desperately seeing her mother’s approval. So before anything between Vee and Ivy can be fixed, Verbena needs to find a new goal in life and be able to accept that she won’t get her mother’s attention, ever. And that hurts and is horribly hard to do, even as an adult. I wonder if she will be able to pull it off. She always acts so tough and independent, but I feel that inside, she’s really still a little girl just looking up to her mother. In a way, she needs to grow up first.
That’s why I’m against them immediately confronting their mother about the whole thing. It’s bound to backfire on so many ends.
I think they should both go beige/gray rock on the mother, and give each other space too. Vee desperately needs to discover who she is as an individual and see herself without the lens of the mother and Ivy and the whole toxic dynamic.
Recovering from long-term familial abuse takes much more than one heart-to-heart talk, Vee needs to actually let the burn wounds close and scar before diving back into toxic environment
The last panel says to me it’s not over. There’s a lot a lot a lot. Being willing to work on it is the best.
It’s very interesting to me seeing how Verbena is creating a path, while being very confused and having problematic behavior. Her true will is making a difference. I need this reminder for when I interact with people and get upset, to look at what they are motivated by and what they are getting at.
Aw, no jumping in water…. But that’s okay cause step one for understanding is GO, yayaaaay!
Yaaaay!
We all want their mother to be told off, that would be immensely satisfying, but sisters are under no obligation to deliver it for us right now.
They should focus on their emotional safety (avoiding further emotional damage such confrontation would definitely cause), not our closure.
Yay!
Vera likes to be the center of attention, that was also brought up in the reference to Verbena jumping into the ocean, that Vera ‘fainted’ after the bots got her out so she would be the one getting attention instead of her child who just jumped into freezing water. Their best revenge would be to not give her attention one way or another really, to completely cut the cord and not respond to her. Whether or not they give her notice or not would be up to them, but no longer feeding into her desire to be the central focus would both help them repair hard feelings between them and make Vera more uncomfortable than being told off, probably. As is said so many time with the news, even bad publicity is good publicity.
There is really no point in taking “revenge” on someone for being a narcissist. Just because someone is bad for you does not mean that a suitable strategy is being bad to them.
The “Grey Rock” method IS the method for dealing with narcissists, though. Not for revenge, you are correct, but I believe it’s the current recommended “strategy” to cope with their existence in one’s life.
A very good start! T__T
My sister and I have a similar dynamic with our mother.
It’s a lot easier to solve than anyone so far has mentioned: Just maintain the lie. Don’t assume you’re smarter than your parent, don’t try to troll them with fake information, just maintain the lie and build a relationship behind closed doors.