I’m glad that Miel pointed out that Abeille doesn’t deserve to be treated badly, even while he’s dealing with the shock of losing his job due to Amaryllis’s meddling. Maybe Amaryllis would have backed off had Abeille quit or maybe she would have still continued wreaking havoc because Miel showed Abeille she’s worthy of respect and caring. We don’t know.
Amaryllis is a classic example of a Malignant Narcissist. If people she lays claim to (spouse, offspring, friends etc) have any connection with the world outside of her she sees it as both an insult to her and a threat to her control over them, so she punishes them for it by throwing tantrums until the connection is broken and “order” is restored. Since Abeille genuinely loves Miel, Amaryllis will be compelled to crush the both of them until Abeille “renounces” said love and goes back to being nothing more than Amaryllis’s property. And even then there’s a very real chance that Amaryllis would still see Miel as a threat and continue working to destroy him.
Well sure. Nobody “deserves” their parents. You just get them. In some jurisdictions, married people are taxed as a couple, meaning the lower income party gets taxed more than if they were alone, and the higher income party gets taxed less (which can be a problem when money allotment is argued on the base of who earned what, giving the one with less income an even shorter stick than they’d have on their own). In this case, they get parents as a couple, with Abeille profiting off Miel’s parents and Miel, well, getting dumped in poison ivy along with Abeille.
In-laws are a price or a prize coming with a more permanent relationship as opposed to a fling.
What we’re saying is Abeille doesn’t deserve *abuse*. Miel didn’t “just get” abuse from his parents.
And no, noone is entitled to be a package deal with someone, even their child. Abeille has a right to not bring her parents into this relationship.
This is insane, both of them lost their jobs. I see why Amaryllis would want to make them fire Miel, but her own daughter???!
I hope this is a wakening call for Abeille to cut ties completely with her mother, and perhaps a good yelling to her face how Abeille feels.
Oh it 100% makes sense to me – Amaryllis’ attacked Abeille’s means of being independent – in Amaryllis’ mind, if Abeille can’t work, she’ll be forced to go home to mom, where she can be *properly cared for / protected*, since clearly Abeille can’t be trusted to make her own decisions. Classic abuser – overprotection and “caring” plus economic abuse.
Clearly this dynamic has been going on Abeille’s whole life – her sister respected and loved her, her mom emotionally abused her and tried to control her life, and her dad enables her mom. The only way Abeille won independence and got away from her mom was to escape in the middle of the night, and now her mom has found a way to try to undermine Abeille’s independence in the name of “being a concerned mother.”
Poor Abeille. I hope she is able to get therapy and go total no contact with her mom. She deserves to be with people who respect and love her.
How exactly Abeille would establish no contact with her mom, is not obvious to me. We’ve seen how confronting her mom goes https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch16-p48/ Part is Abeille’s reaction to her mother, that is a problem.
QueenSalis mentioned restraining orders. Maybe that would work. I’m not sure. It’s confrontational and Amaryllis might feel challenged to respond and what the consequences of that would be, I don’t know.
There’s the fact that Abeille loves her parents. My hope is Abeille could say to herself and her mother that she needs some separation right now, without an expectation that her mother will hear what is said. Maybe together with a restraining order. Or a series of steps that both communicate and establish separation.
The important part, I think, would be what it says to Abeille, that it is ok to need separation while she is unable to cope with her parents and that her mother not hearing her is to be expected. That’s she’s not hating her mother. It would be honest. It would be part of a process of building tolerance and assertiveness.
I’m certainly projecting myself on to Abeille. But, telling Amaryllis or her parents, that she is cutting ties, could sit like a wound that won’t heal, always present in the back of her mind.
There’s the idea that it’s not possible for Amaryllis to change. Maybe. I don’t think that assumption is helpful. Not assuming that Amaryllis can change makes more sense to me.
It would be interesting to see what the period was like between Abeille running away and her parents contacting her on Monotropa: https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch14-p57/ . There was mention of a monthly checkin call. There had been some communication and her parents had stayed away for some period of time.
Yeah Abeille’s situation is very similar to my own in regards to my own parents. It’s my hope that Abeille’s Father will step up to the plate and say enough is enough, something similar at least to what happened back in Gina’s last series Red String in regard to the parents of one of the main chars (when the mother finally got POed with the father after their son’s suicide attempt). Here’s also hoping Abeille’s other friends swoop in to offer extra support too.
Similar to mine too, but I had kids and the snip, snip, bye. My husband and I were okay with dealing with it due to a healthy amount of forced distance, but I WOULD NOT allow that toxicity to go to the next gen. Was not worth it. The collateral was too great. There are still twinges of missing, but it isn’t of the person, it’s of a connection that doesn’t exist anymore and probably never did. Don’t regret it. Should have done it sooner for me. I’m hoping Abeille is galvanized into snip snipping as well for her partner’s sake if not herself. Mallow is a classic enabler and has seen all of this and let his wife lie about what she was doing in their hotel. He can come back without her if he wants to keep the relationship.
Yeah Abeille getting fired is absolutely a perk to Amaryllis, probably even the main goal, not a drawback. She wants Abeille to come back to Pasque with her, and the best way to do that is to destroy all her ties to Monotropa.
well, when you use blunt weapons, you get blunt trauma.
threatening a scandal like that is a big ol morgenstern, imprecise. of course Abeille would get caught in the swing, and Amaryllis doesn’t care because it’s better if she just came home anyways.
YES THEY’RE IN THIS TOGETHER. LET’S GO!!!
“Yeah, but I’m acclimatized”
Woof. That is relatable.
Oh gosh, those puppy dog eyes. Abeille is cute-ugly crier.
I was thinking the same thing. HAHA!
I’m glad that Miel pointed out that Abeille doesn’t deserve to be treated badly, even while he’s dealing with the shock of losing his job due to Amaryllis’s meddling. Maybe Amaryllis would have backed off had Abeille quit or maybe she would have still continued wreaking havoc because Miel showed Abeille she’s worthy of respect and caring. We don’t know.
She strikes me as the sort that would still try to ruin his life out of petty revenge.
Amaryllis is a classic example of a Malignant Narcissist. If people she lays claim to (spouse, offspring, friends etc) have any connection with the world outside of her she sees it as both an insult to her and a threat to her control over them, so she punishes them for it by throwing tantrums until the connection is broken and “order” is restored. Since Abeille genuinely loves Miel, Amaryllis will be compelled to crush the both of them until Abeille “renounces” said love and goes back to being nothing more than Amaryllis’s property. And even then there’s a very real chance that Amaryllis would still see Miel as a threat and continue working to destroy him.
this ^.
Abeille’s eyes on this page, you went for exaggeration and hit it just the right way.
Miel, pointing out the obvious (which is usually not obvious to long-term abuse survivors) like a king.
Well sure. Nobody “deserves” their parents. You just get them. In some jurisdictions, married people are taxed as a couple, meaning the lower income party gets taxed more than if they were alone, and the higher income party gets taxed less (which can be a problem when money allotment is argued on the base of who earned what, giving the one with less income an even shorter stick than they’d have on their own). In this case, they get parents as a couple, with Abeille profiting off Miel’s parents and Miel, well, getting dumped in poison ivy along with Abeille.
In-laws are a price or a prize coming with a more permanent relationship as opposed to a fling.
This is a very twisted and capitalist way of viewing this situation.
What does this have to do with all of this…?
What we’re saying is Abeille doesn’t deserve *abuse*. Miel didn’t “just get” abuse from his parents.
And no, noone is entitled to be a package deal with someone, even their child. Abeille has a right to not bring her parents into this relationship.
This is insane, both of them lost their jobs. I see why Amaryllis would want to make them fire Miel, but her own daughter???!
I hope this is a wakening call for Abeille to cut ties completely with her mother, and perhaps a good yelling to her face how Abeille feels.
Oh it 100% makes sense to me – Amaryllis’ attacked Abeille’s means of being independent – in Amaryllis’ mind, if Abeille can’t work, she’ll be forced to go home to mom, where she can be *properly cared for / protected*, since clearly Abeille can’t be trusted to make her own decisions. Classic abuser – overprotection and “caring” plus economic abuse.
Clearly this dynamic has been going on Abeille’s whole life – her sister respected and loved her, her mom emotionally abused her and tried to control her life, and her dad enables her mom. The only way Abeille won independence and got away from her mom was to escape in the middle of the night, and now her mom has found a way to try to undermine Abeille’s independence in the name of “being a concerned mother.”
Poor Abeille. I hope she is able to get therapy and go total no contact with her mom. She deserves to be with people who respect and love her.
How exactly Abeille would establish no contact with her mom, is not obvious to me. We’ve seen how confronting her mom goes https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch16-p48/ Part is Abeille’s reaction to her mother, that is a problem.
QueenSalis mentioned restraining orders. Maybe that would work. I’m not sure. It’s confrontational and Amaryllis might feel challenged to respond and what the consequences of that would be, I don’t know.
There’s the fact that Abeille loves her parents. My hope is Abeille could say to herself and her mother that she needs some separation right now, without an expectation that her mother will hear what is said. Maybe together with a restraining order. Or a series of steps that both communicate and establish separation.
The important part, I think, would be what it says to Abeille, that it is ok to need separation while she is unable to cope with her parents and that her mother not hearing her is to be expected. That’s she’s not hating her mother. It would be honest. It would be part of a process of building tolerance and assertiveness.
I’m certainly projecting myself on to Abeille. But, telling Amaryllis or her parents, that she is cutting ties, could sit like a wound that won’t heal, always present in the back of her mind.
There’s the idea that it’s not possible for Amaryllis to change. Maybe. I don’t think that assumption is helpful. Not assuming that Amaryllis can change makes more sense to me.
It would be interesting to see what the period was like between Abeille running away and her parents contacting her on Monotropa: https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch14-p57/ . There was mention of a monthly checkin call. There had been some communication and her parents had stayed away for some period of time.
Yeah Abeille’s situation is very similar to my own in regards to my own parents. It’s my hope that Abeille’s Father will step up to the plate and say enough is enough, something similar at least to what happened back in Gina’s last series Red String in regard to the parents of one of the main chars (when the mother finally got POed with the father after their son’s suicide attempt). Here’s also hoping Abeille’s other friends swoop in to offer extra support too.
Similar to mine too, but I had kids and the snip, snip, bye. My husband and I were okay with dealing with it due to a healthy amount of forced distance, but I WOULD NOT allow that toxicity to go to the next gen. Was not worth it. The collateral was too great. There are still twinges of missing, but it isn’t of the person, it’s of a connection that doesn’t exist anymore and probably never did. Don’t regret it. Should have done it sooner for me. I’m hoping Abeille is galvanized into snip snipping as well for her partner’s sake if not herself. Mallow is a classic enabler and has seen all of this and let his wife lie about what she was doing in their hotel. He can come back without her if he wants to keep the relationship.
Yeah Abeille getting fired is absolutely a perk to Amaryllis, probably even the main goal, not a drawback. She wants Abeille to come back to Pasque with her, and the best way to do that is to destroy all her ties to Monotropa.
well, when you use blunt weapons, you get blunt trauma.
threatening a scandal like that is a big ol morgenstern, imprecise. of course Abeille would get caught in the swing, and Amaryllis doesn’t care because it’s better if she just came home anyways.
Noooooo please don’t cry! That’s such an emotional face, she looks so torn up about it.