This makes you wonder what Amaryllis might’ve ever liked about Mallow in the first place. Even if she thinks that she’s helping others to “improve” or “change”, it’s in a bad way that sooner suits her wants. Mallow’s face really said that he doesn’t fully believe that Amaryllis’ in the right here.
No. No Mallow. No no no no no. Even if they did mean well and are just coming from a place where “they know better,” you don’t have to allow that to control yourself. No.
The poor man has been so utterly beaten down by Amaryllis that he has to tell himself that’s how she shows love. Subconsciously I think he knows that this is all messed up, but he’s been conditioned to accept her behavior as normal. Dude, please run and find yourself a life you can enjoy.
I’m not sure if “beaten down” is the right phrase. Having “a spine” doesn’t apply here, I think.
When I’ve been like Mallow, it seemed like a dependent relationship. The way we interacted made me feel like there was nothing I could do, because I knew how she had reacted when I had tried to reason with her.
Me contradicting her didn’t mean the words I spoke, to her. It was me criticizing her and referencing resentments she had. Similarly, I didn’t respond to the words she spoke, I behaved dependently, in the familiar way, confirming what she thought about me criticizing her.
A few times I was able to not react defensively and respond to her, showing that I’m not condemning her as a person and we would go on to resolve problems.
We also talked about this phenomenon. She would try resolving problems with her sister, but her version of not reacting was like “see. I’m not reacting”. That and obviously ignoring people is still playing games.
It looks to me like Mallow is breaking out of the behavior starting on pg. 23. Maybe. I hope so.
It’s inspiring to see how Tulip negotiates with Poppy. They seem to be reading each other continuously and every worry is responded to with reassurance.
Yeah. Poor dude. It’s what he has to tell himself because he’s scared – of Amaryllis, of the truth of their relationship, of their interactions. I hope he can take a look at himself and his relationship with his spouse honestly and decide if it’s the healthiest thing for him.
Not true – most people genuinely believe they’re doing the right thing and have thorough justifications. This is really important to realize.
It is very likely Amaryllis literally does believe she just “wants what’s best” for the people she loves and she genuinely does “mean well”.
Notice that in no way invalidates the damage she’s doing – but it’s important to realize because for a few decades now, Mallow has likely seen his wife lamenting and frustrated because she just wants what’s *best* for them why can’t they just *understand*.
It’s also important because it’s very easy to get roped in by someone like this before you really know them. They show genuine concern – and it can take awhile to realize that particular genuine concern is toxic AS F***.
I both love and hate the pause here when Abeille asks him her question. I’ve been at that pause, and that pause is a split-second realization that “I don’t know” mixed with “I can’t think of anything” and it is the first step to realizing something might be wrong.
I am also so proud of Abeille here. She’s showing she is not going quietly, not backing down, and is trying to make those she loves to understand how she feels without being blunt and coming off as rude. Her question, so simple and precise, got a realization from Mallow that he might not even have realized. It also showcases how she firmly knows now that her mother may follow her and try and bully/convince her of things…but she can’t break her anymore and she won’t go backward, only forwards in her life and choices. Good for her.
That seems like a complicated question to me. When I’ve been upset, I’ve been hurtful to people and then regretted it a few seconds later. Did I mean to be hurtful?
Does it matter if she means it? If she plots and schemes, does she mean it? Whatever motivates Amaryllis, if Abeille gets hurt in the process, that isn’t good.
There is more to consider than how much intention goes into Amaryllis’ behavior. There is a level of tolerance people have. If your pet dog steals food, maybe even plotting the crime, you might be able to tolerate the behavior, because you love your dog and the behavior doesn’t define them as a doggie and you don’t react by being hurtful to yourself.
If someone does something that goes past what you are able to tolerate, then it might be time to say no to them. Abeille seems to be doing this, lovingly.
This makes you wonder what Amaryllis might’ve ever liked about Mallow in the first place. Even if she thinks that she’s helping others to “improve” or “change”, it’s in a bad way that sooner suits her wants. Mallow’s face really said that he doesn’t fully believe that Amaryllis’ in the right here.
My guess would be she liked how controllable he was/is. Manipulative people like her usually do go for meek partners who won’t challenge them.
I agree with this, 100%. Mallow means well too, and sadly that means he enables her, which is great for manipulators.
No. No Mallow. No no no no no. Even if they did mean well and are just coming from a place where “they know better,” you don’t have to allow that to control yourself. No.
The poor man has been so utterly beaten down by Amaryllis that he has to tell himself that’s how she shows love. Subconsciously I think he knows that this is all messed up, but he’s been conditioned to accept her behavior as normal. Dude, please run and find yourself a life you can enjoy.
I’m not sure if “beaten down” is the right phrase. Having “a spine” doesn’t apply here, I think.
When I’ve been like Mallow, it seemed like a dependent relationship. The way we interacted made me feel like there was nothing I could do, because I knew how she had reacted when I had tried to reason with her.
Me contradicting her didn’t mean the words I spoke, to her. It was me criticizing her and referencing resentments she had. Similarly, I didn’t respond to the words she spoke, I behaved dependently, in the familiar way, confirming what she thought about me criticizing her.
A few times I was able to not react defensively and respond to her, showing that I’m not condemning her as a person and we would go on to resolve problems.
We also talked about this phenomenon. She would try resolving problems with her sister, but her version of not reacting was like “see. I’m not reacting”. That and obviously ignoring people is still playing games.
It looks to me like Mallow is breaking out of the behavior starting on pg. 23. Maybe. I hope so.
It’s inspiring to see how Tulip negotiates with Poppy. They seem to be reading each other continuously and every worry is responded to with reassurance.
Oh Mallow. I’ve been there, and I feel for him.
Yeah. Poor dude. It’s what he has to tell himself because he’s scared – of Amaryllis, of the truth of their relationship, of their interactions. I hope he can take a look at himself and his relationship with his spouse honestly and decide if it’s the healthiest thing for him.
Means well for who, exactly?
Someone has to be the sacrifial lamb that taketh on the qualms of Amaryllis.
Sir, “well” is literally the opposite of what your wife means in most situations. >_<
Not true – most people genuinely believe they’re doing the right thing and have thorough justifications. This is really important to realize.
It is very likely Amaryllis literally does believe she just “wants what’s best” for the people she loves and she genuinely does “mean well”.
Notice that in no way invalidates the damage she’s doing – but it’s important to realize because for a few decades now, Mallow has likely seen his wife lamenting and frustrated because she just wants what’s *best* for them why can’t they just *understand*.
It’s also important because it’s very easy to get roped in by someone like this before you really know them. They show genuine concern – and it can take awhile to realize that particular genuine concern is toxic AS F***.
I both love and hate the pause here when Abeille asks him her question. I’ve been at that pause, and that pause is a split-second realization that “I don’t know” mixed with “I can’t think of anything” and it is the first step to realizing something might be wrong.
I am also so proud of Abeille here. She’s showing she is not going quietly, not backing down, and is trying to make those she loves to understand how she feels without being blunt and coming off as rude. Her question, so simple and precise, got a realization from Mallow that he might not even have realized. It also showcases how she firmly knows now that her mother may follow her and try and bully/convince her of things…but she can’t break her anymore and she won’t go backward, only forwards in her life and choices. Good for her.
I think Malo means bad in Spanish. Because, he’s super-bad, on the skates.
Does she though???
That seems like a complicated question to me. When I’ve been upset, I’ve been hurtful to people and then regretted it a few seconds later. Did I mean to be hurtful?
Does it matter if she means it? If she plots and schemes, does she mean it? Whatever motivates Amaryllis, if Abeille gets hurt in the process, that isn’t good.
There is more to consider than how much intention goes into Amaryllis’ behavior. There is a level of tolerance people have. If your pet dog steals food, maybe even plotting the crime, you might be able to tolerate the behavior, because you love your dog and the behavior doesn’t define them as a doggie and you don’t react by being hurtful to yourself.
If someone does something that goes past what you are able to tolerate, then it might be time to say no to them. Abeille seems to be doing this, lovingly.