I expected a hug goodbye, then remember that there’s no physical touch in this society and my heart broke a little more. At least he was able to give her his blessing. But ouch my soul.
That’s exactly, like almost word for word, what I was coming to write. Like I thought, she’s letting him go without even a hug to show she appreciates him coming? Oh, maybe next episode– oh, Wait! There will be no hug at all… that’s just terribly heartbreaking.
Imagine not even having a hug when your loved one dies. I had to put the first of two cats down at the beginning of covid (June). My family and best friend came to support me. We had it outdoors and wore masks and sat apart. But as I was bawling my eyes out after, my mom and my friend both risked hugging me or holding me for a while I cried. I can’t imagine not even wanting to hug someone goodbye.
The theme that I most relate to is in the title: Love not found. Abeille explores touch, with the touch club and finds that it’s not just touch that is missing. She is missing connection to others.
Aster describes vital touch. Babies need to be touched, supposedly and pretty obviously to me. It’s not just touch though, it’s conveying love through touch.
In Iran, boys hold hands in public. But, in my lifetime, in the US, I’ve only seen cisgender hetero-sexual boys having inhibitions about touch. Touch is natural, I think. I suspect that is at the heart of much of the problems that I think I see in the world that there is an inhibition about non-sexual touch, for boys, primarily.
It could just be that Abeille picked up that mannerism since she’s around Amaryllis all the time. It’s not uncommon to mimic some of the behaviors of people you’re around/close to.
I don’t think Amaryllis is jealous of Abeille in the standard sense of ‘jealous’ – it’s more that Amaryllis is angry that Abeille isn’t behaving in the way Amaryllis thinks she should and that Abeille ‘abandoned’ Amaryllis so that Amaryllis isn’t getting the majority of Abeille’s attention.
Living with someone like Amaryllis takes a lot of focus because all actions have to be weighed against that person’s reactions and/or possible repercussions – plus the Amaryllis-type person is always at the forefront of the mind.
I haven’t thought of a conclusion to be made from what I’ve thought I’m seeing. First, I could be seeing something that isn’t there.
When people adopt mannerisms similar to someone else, I think it means something. But, not something obvious. For example, I often find that a trait that someone exhibits that irritates me, turns out to be a trait that is typical of myself. So, if Abeille is affecting like Amaryllis here, it doesn’t mean she is the same as Amaryllis in some way.
Abeille is brilliant and brave and strong. So, the idea of Amaryllis being jealous is appealing to me because she is mean to Abeille about Abeille’s strengths. Even if there is no jealousy beneath Amaryllis’s behavior, Abeille is strong where Amaryllis is weak. I imagine that Amaryllis would know that deep down.
I hadn’t thought of that. A couple things came to my mind:
1. I don’t even see the resemblance, but maybe it’s there – the difference for me is that Abeille’s emotions are genuine while Amaryllis’s feel performative.
2. I think it’s more likely that Abeille picked up the mannerisms from her mom, but that’s my own projection; I behave like my parents sometimes, even if I was hurt by the exact same behavior before.
3. I read somewhere that narcissistic parents can absolutely be jealous of their children, so maybe you’re onto something? At the dinner with Miel’s moms, Amaryllis looked pissed when the attention was on Abeille, and she immediately had to criticize her. I wonder how she was with Evette, the golden child, because we haven’t seen them interact enough to know.
I was particularly hit by her saying ‘please don’t make me go back’. Make me. MAKE me. She is an adult. Nobody can. However, even as adults so many people still think they parents can make them do things – but they cannot. I am glad her dad didn’t try.
I was absolutely like that. After a lifetime of walking on eggshells trying to appease family and keep the peace at the expense of my own happiness, I truly believed my parents could MAKE ME do things even into my 20s (attending college but living at home). It took an online gaming buddy twice my age who was a parent himself to point out, as a grown adult, my parents cannot MAKE me do anything. If I wanted to drive to another city and attend a cool gathering, or just GOING OUTSIDE PERIOD, I didn’t have to ask for permission.
Honestly, that never occurred to me. Asking permission simply to go to the city library (as an ADULT, mind you) was just a part of life, and I would get a scolding if I left the house without telling anyone, no matter my reasons, and despite the fact that I was 22 years old. I nearly got kicked out when I could not make curfew (yes, I still had a curfew) and had to HAGGLE with my mother: an extended curfew and in exchange I would attend a Bible class at her church, despite the fact that my night class at college ended at 9PM, I would go out for dinner afterward, and it was 90 minutes to get back home, so I would definitely arrive after midnight.
My mother held over us all a very real threat: being disowned. She wielded that to ensure we obeyed every strict rule… and some members of the family actually used that “nuclear option” (my sister hasn’t spoken to me in 12 years because I married a Jew). The fear of losing family, shelter, financial aid, and emotional support (albeit toxic at times) was so strong, you really do feel like parents can MAKE YOU do anything.
Oh damn… dad supported this from the start. Better Amaryllis doesn’t know that…. I wonder if that’s the actual turmoil he’s experiencing. He knows this is the best thing for Abeille too…
Dad of the year! You can see in his face, he knows his wife is going to be outraged, and HE will be the punching bag. Still, he wants his daughter to escape that life, knowing it’s best. It’s just sad that he feels he can’t escape with her. They both need to leave that toxic woman.
I expected a hug goodbye, then remember that there’s no physical touch in this society and my heart broke a little more. At least he was able to give her his blessing. But ouch my soul.
I forgot about that for a moment too like, why does this feel like such an awkward goodbye? lol
That’s exactly, like almost word for word, what I was coming to write. Like I thought, she’s letting him go without even a hug to show she appreciates him coming? Oh, maybe next episode– oh, Wait! There will be no hug at all… that’s just terribly heartbreaking.
Imagine not even having a hug when your loved one dies. I had to put the first of two cats down at the beginning of covid (June). My family and best friend came to support me. We had it outdoors and wore masks and sat apart. But as I was bawling my eyes out after, my mom and my friend both risked hugging me or holding me for a while I cried. I can’t imagine not even wanting to hug someone goodbye.
The theme that I most relate to is in the title: Love not found. Abeille explores touch, with the touch club and finds that it’s not just touch that is missing. She is missing connection to others.
A hug means so much. It’s not just touching. But it’s vitally important. This needs updating, badly. But: https://lovenotfound-fans.fandom.com/wiki/The_touch_taboo
Aster describes vital touch. Babies need to be touched, supposedly and pretty obviously to me. It’s not just touch though, it’s conveying love through touch.
In Iran, boys hold hands in public. But, in my lifetime, in the US, I’ve only seen cisgender hetero-sexual boys having inhibitions about touch. Touch is natural, I think. I suspect that is at the heart of much of the problems that I think I see in the world that there is an inhibition about non-sexual touch, for boys, primarily.
I’m sorry, Mallow. You saw it was for the best too and that’s the most bittersweet moment.
Still really worried about present day Mallow’s health… the difference here is staggering.
Abeille affects in a similar way to Amaryllis. In panel 4, in particular. Abeille’s might come from a different place.
https://lovenotfound.com/comic/ch19-p13/ I don’t know.
It’s my pet theory that Amaryllis is jealous of Abeille.
Abeille is super cute in her winter wear!
It could just be that Abeille picked up that mannerism since she’s around Amaryllis all the time. It’s not uncommon to mimic some of the behaviors of people you’re around/close to.
I don’t think Amaryllis is jealous of Abeille in the standard sense of ‘jealous’ – it’s more that Amaryllis is angry that Abeille isn’t behaving in the way Amaryllis thinks she should and that Abeille ‘abandoned’ Amaryllis so that Amaryllis isn’t getting the majority of Abeille’s attention.
Living with someone like Amaryllis takes a lot of focus because all actions have to be weighed against that person’s reactions and/or possible repercussions – plus the Amaryllis-type person is always at the forefront of the mind.
I haven’t thought of a conclusion to be made from what I’ve thought I’m seeing. First, I could be seeing something that isn’t there.
When people adopt mannerisms similar to someone else, I think it means something. But, not something obvious. For example, I often find that a trait that someone exhibits that irritates me, turns out to be a trait that is typical of myself. So, if Abeille is affecting like Amaryllis here, it doesn’t mean she is the same as Amaryllis in some way.
Abeille is brilliant and brave and strong. So, the idea of Amaryllis being jealous is appealing to me because she is mean to Abeille about Abeille’s strengths. Even if there is no jealousy beneath Amaryllis’s behavior, Abeille is strong where Amaryllis is weak. I imagine that Amaryllis would know that deep down.
I hadn’t thought of that. A couple things came to my mind:
1. I don’t even see the resemblance, but maybe it’s there – the difference for me is that Abeille’s emotions are genuine while Amaryllis’s feel performative.
2. I think it’s more likely that Abeille picked up the mannerisms from her mom, but that’s my own projection; I behave like my parents sometimes, even if I was hurt by the exact same behavior before.
3. I read somewhere that narcissistic parents can absolutely be jealous of their children, so maybe you’re onto something? At the dinner with Miel’s moms, Amaryllis looked pissed when the attention was on Abeille, and she immediately had to criticize her. I wonder how she was with Evette, the golden child, because we haven’t seen them interact enough to know.
I was particularly hit by her saying ‘please don’t make me go back’. Make me. MAKE me. She is an adult. Nobody can. However, even as adults so many people still think they parents can make them do things – but they cannot. I am glad her dad didn’t try.
I was absolutely like that. After a lifetime of walking on eggshells trying to appease family and keep the peace at the expense of my own happiness, I truly believed my parents could MAKE ME do things even into my 20s (attending college but living at home). It took an online gaming buddy twice my age who was a parent himself to point out, as a grown adult, my parents cannot MAKE me do anything. If I wanted to drive to another city and attend a cool gathering, or just GOING OUTSIDE PERIOD, I didn’t have to ask for permission.
Honestly, that never occurred to me. Asking permission simply to go to the city library (as an ADULT, mind you) was just a part of life, and I would get a scolding if I left the house without telling anyone, no matter my reasons, and despite the fact that I was 22 years old. I nearly got kicked out when I could not make curfew (yes, I still had a curfew) and had to HAGGLE with my mother: an extended curfew and in exchange I would attend a Bible class at her church, despite the fact that my night class at college ended at 9PM, I would go out for dinner afterward, and it was 90 minutes to get back home, so I would definitely arrive after midnight.
My mother held over us all a very real threat: being disowned. She wielded that to ensure we obeyed every strict rule… and some members of the family actually used that “nuclear option” (my sister hasn’t spoken to me in 12 years because I married a Jew). The fear of losing family, shelter, financial aid, and emotional support (albeit toxic at times) was so strong, you really do feel like parents can MAKE YOU do anything.
O. M. G. I am so glad you realized how controlling they were and took back your right to live your own life as you see fit.
Oh damn… dad supported this from the start. Better Amaryllis doesn’t know that…. I wonder if that’s the actual turmoil he’s experiencing. He knows this is the best thing for Abeille too…
Dad of the year! You can see in his face, he knows his wife is going to be outraged, and HE will be the punching bag. Still, he wants his daughter to escape that life, knowing it’s best. It’s just sad that he feels he can’t escape with her. They both need to leave that toxic woman.
insert gif of Anthony Anderson crying