Well, if she is just as bad as me, and you are alone with me by your side, how would you not be alone with her by your side as well? What point is there in forcing her along if the company of our ilk does not change your being alone? Come to think of it, what point is there in me being with you?
By alone, you mean not got anyone you can push around to do and to be what you want for yourself. Amaryllis doesn’t have the problem of getting “in touch” with others, definitely not lacking having people around for it; it’s getting them to want to put up with her true nature to form any relationship with her. For her to consider that only her daughters counts for “companionship” after having been living in an area for years to form other relations there, speaks evidently about how poor her sociability is in truth.
Abeille is still blaming herself in a sense. I don’t think Amaryllis just thinks Abeille is inferior to Evette. That is just one avenue for cruelty. It would be interesting to see how Amaryllis interacted with Evette but from Evette’s words it sounds like she received the same treatment she just had a strategy to avoid most of Amaryllis’s games. So, there is no credibility to Amaryllis shaming Abeille with respect to Evette. There is what looks to me like very obvious jealousy, because Abeille is done so much good and achieved so much without the meaningless status markers that Amaryllis values.
The scene also reminds me of my ex. Disagreeing with her in public would start a fight. And I didn’t want to subject the people around us to a fight, so I did what Mallow is doing here.
What is the right way to deal with that, other than cutting ties? Maybe I should have said I don’t want people here to have to endure us fighting. Let’s wait until we are out of public. But, that would have probably been taken as a challenge…
I agree, it’s more about strategies to get Abeille under her heel than anything. I don’t remember their age difference but I think it was probably very similar for Evette too, especially before Abeille was born. Evette and Abeille have a pretty clear golden child/scapegoat situation with their mother. It’s a miracle these sisters had such a strong relationship; that kind of dynamic can pit children against each other.
If your ex is anything like Amaryllis, then she knew you didn’t want to start a fight around other people – it’s a control tactic. I’m sorry you had to deal with that… being targeted by someone with narcissistic behavior is awful. As you suspect, there isn’t really any “winning” with them – the best thing to do is just to not play. My parents were like this, and in all the years I’ve been no-contact with them I have not regretted a single day of my freedom.
Abeille and Evette both seemed to me to have the not playing trait. Mallow too oddly enough. He’s not really playing Amaryllis’s games, I think, close is “I’m helpless, protect me”, which he is not accommodating on this page. Elsewhere, he comforts her in those moments, as one would. He just doesn’t speak out in moments when if there were the right thing to say it would be good to do so.
My ex loved “the dog whisperer” where the main idea is dogs have to have a master that dominates them. The personality rolls dogs on their back to show them who is the master. She followed this and trained our puppy to become a vicious biting dog that could not be taken out in public.
I had people pull me aside and tell me I had to put my partner in her place. I don’t think it works that way., I think the plain truth has to be said, but I was not articulate enough to say that. Maybe we’ll find out in the following pages how to deal with an Amaryllis.
Atta girl, Abeille. That’s the problem with Helicopter parents, besides wanting to keep their kids ‘safe’, they want to mold them in the image they deem them to ‘stay safe’. Okay Mallow, it’s your turn now.
Welp, I hope Abeille can use her mother’s admission to hold firm. “Thank you for letting me know how you REALLY feel about my Dad and I. Bye.”
I also hope Miel leans in to talk to Mallow and lets him know that it’s not normal for spouses to disrespect each other, the way Ammy does to him, and then talks about his own parents as an example of healthy communication.
I don’t think Mallow evaluates his role in their relationship according to a “normal” metric. I mean, I shave with a straight razor and know that is not normal, but it suits me. The point of being in a relationship is that the whole is better than the sum of its parts. Amaryllis benefits from Mallow holding her back (though it is apparent that she has come to sabotage this to a degree where the benefit is questionable), and Mallow benefits from her assertiveness.
The problem is that this is no longer enough. If Mallow cannot manage to regain a better hold on her toxicity, their uneasy alliance is going to fall apart. She will be to blame for it, but he is in a better position for averting that outcome. Assuming that it is worth it to him, really. At some point of time you may decide to switch jobs even if you were well-suited for a shitty position.
I really want Mallow to escape his tyrannically abusive wife too. He’s been beaten down for too long and it’s left him as an enabler! Grow and show a shiny spine, Mallow! She just molded you into what she wanted! You’re not even allowed to be yourself!
I can relate directly to both Mallow and Abeilie. Toxic relationships are awful, because once the abuser gets in your head, it is extremely difficult to force them out. The victim often starts to believe that they are utterly worthless. It takes enormous courage AND a healthy support system. People can and do get out on their own, but it is Herculean. Every day you are with the toxic person feels like a roller coaster. The victim generally KNOWS, deep inside, that this isn’t right, but may have started to use the same negative phrases on themselves that the abuser foists on them. Where Mallow and Amaryllis are today is NOT how it started out. The second time I fell for a narcissist, I knew what I was experiencing when it started to happen and could name it: “I am being gaslit, and emotionally abused.” I couldn’t understand why there was still an attraction and I HATED it!
My therapist suggested Levine and Heller’s Attached book: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 That gave me some of the understanding of WHY I had formed a trauma bond with the narcissist. I am pleased to report that I finally cut the abuser out of my life and am in a much healthier relationship, but I didn’t do it alone. I had chosen family (i.e. my dearest friends) and regular therapy and independent reflection and reading.
They always ask, “why didn’t you leave?” “If it’s so bad, why do you stay?” She needs to save her father and call the authorities on her mother. Abuse is seen as abhorrent in their society, as disgusting as full-on sexual contact and hugging anyone after childhood is done. Call the Authorities and demand protection for your father and yourself from your mother.
Well, royalty uses “we” meaning only one person. Amaryllis clearly is so modest that she uses “I” to refer to both her and Mallow. Singularis modestatis.
As someone with a narcissist mother like Amaryllis, I really hope her father does the same thing as my own father did: Leave her ass. Divorce her and move on. It’d be the best thing for him AND Abeille, who would have her father on her side, just like Ammy keeps insisting he is. Better on the side of someone who wants to be away from negativity than someone who keeps inflicting it without remorse.
Part of me wants to see her “accidentally” smack Abeille’s flower; and then be all blase about mangling it… after all, who really cares about a dumb plant?
Seeing Abeille protect and nurse her flower back to health would be a nice symbolic representation of her breaking free completely from her mother’s influence.
For someone who complains about the heat on the planet, Amaryllis doesn’t do herself any favours by wearing long sleeves, layers, and a scarf. (I assume it’s because she expects the planet to conform to HER, and/or, she’s too cheap to spend credits on holiday clothes that are useless once she gets back to her frigid home.)
27 thoughts on “Love Not Found – Ch24, p61”
APW
For once, we can agree with Amaryllis. He’s just as bad as Abeille here.
Which is none at all, of course.
David
Well, if she is just as bad as me, and you are alone with me by your side, how would you not be alone with her by your side as well? What point is there in forcing her along if the company of our ilk does not change your being alone? Come to think of it, what point is there in me being with you?
Jenny
By alone, you mean not got anyone you can push around to do and to be what you want for yourself. Amaryllis doesn’t have the problem of getting “in touch” with others, definitely not lacking having people around for it; it’s getting them to want to put up with her true nature to form any relationship with her. For her to consider that only her daughters counts for “companionship” after having been living in an area for years to form other relations there, speaks evidently about how poor her sociability is in truth.
Jenny
Honestly, this brat of a woman is better off by herself! She’s getting herself to left behind into a corner to sulk in self-pity at this rate.
Jenny
Given that I’ve seen what she is about to do in the next page, I retract calling her a “woman”; she’s something worse.
Smooti
Divorce her Mallow. On the spot. I’ll start the fund.
Kendall 🍂❄
Abeille is still blaming herself in a sense. I don’t think Amaryllis just thinks Abeille is inferior to Evette. That is just one avenue for cruelty. It would be interesting to see how Amaryllis interacted with Evette but from Evette’s words it sounds like she received the same treatment she just had a strategy to avoid most of Amaryllis’s games. So, there is no credibility to Amaryllis shaming Abeille with respect to Evette. There is what looks to me like very obvious jealousy, because Abeille is done so much good and achieved so much without the meaningless status markers that Amaryllis values.
The scene also reminds me of my ex. Disagreeing with her in public would start a fight. And I didn’t want to subject the people around us to a fight, so I did what Mallow is doing here.
What is the right way to deal with that, other than cutting ties? Maybe I should have said I don’t want people here to have to endure us fighting. Let’s wait until we are out of public. But, that would have probably been taken as a challenge…
Crane
I agree, it’s more about strategies to get Abeille under her heel than anything. I don’t remember their age difference but I think it was probably very similar for Evette too, especially before Abeille was born. Evette and Abeille have a pretty clear golden child/scapegoat situation with their mother. It’s a miracle these sisters had such a strong relationship; that kind of dynamic can pit children against each other.
If your ex is anything like Amaryllis, then she knew you didn’t want to start a fight around other people – it’s a control tactic. I’m sorry you had to deal with that… being targeted by someone with narcissistic behavior is awful. As you suspect, there isn’t really any “winning” with them – the best thing to do is just to not play. My parents were like this, and in all the years I’ve been no-contact with them I have not regretted a single day of my freedom.
Kendall 🍂❄
Abeille and Evette both seemed to me to have the not playing trait. Mallow too oddly enough. He’s not really playing Amaryllis’s games, I think, close is “I’m helpless, protect me”, which he is not accommodating on this page. Elsewhere, he comforts her in those moments, as one would. He just doesn’t speak out in moments when if there were the right thing to say it would be good to do so.
My ex loved “the dog whisperer” where the main idea is dogs have to have a master that dominates them. The personality rolls dogs on their back to show them who is the master. She followed this and trained our puppy to become a vicious biting dog that could not be taken out in public.
I had people pull me aside and tell me I had to put my partner in her place. I don’t think it works that way., I think the plain truth has to be said, but I was not articulate enough to say that. Maybe we’ll find out in the following pages how to deal with an Amaryllis.
Tiffany
Atta girl, Abeille. That’s the problem with Helicopter parents, besides wanting to keep their kids ‘safe’, they want to mold them in the image they deem them to ‘stay safe’. Okay Mallow, it’s your turn now.
Tess
Welp, I hope Abeille can use her mother’s admission to hold firm. “Thank you for letting me know how you REALLY feel about my Dad and I. Bye.”
I also hope Miel leans in to talk to Mallow and lets him know that it’s not normal for spouses to disrespect each other, the way Ammy does to him, and then talks about his own parents as an example of healthy communication.
David
You know, Ammy, just as bad as Abeille seems an awful lot better than just as bad as you.
Kendall 🍂❄
I love the flower crown of course.
David
I don’t think Mallow evaluates his role in their relationship according to a “normal” metric. I mean, I shave with a straight razor and know that is not normal, but it suits me. The point of being in a relationship is that the whole is better than the sum of its parts. Amaryllis benefits from Mallow holding her back (though it is apparent that she has come to sabotage this to a degree where the benefit is questionable), and Mallow benefits from her assertiveness.
The problem is that this is no longer enough. If Mallow cannot manage to regain a better hold on her toxicity, their uneasy alliance is going to fall apart. She will be to blame for it, but he is in a better position for averting that outcome. Assuming that it is worth it to him, really. At some point of time you may decide to switch jobs even if you were well-suited for a shitty position.
Ves
I really want Mallow to escape his tyrannically abusive wife too. He’s been beaten down for too long and it’s left him as an enabler! Grow and show a shiny spine, Mallow! She just molded you into what she wanted! You’re not even allowed to be yourself!
David
Showing a shiny spine would be what skeletons do. I hope he’ll keep it covered with flesh.
Deb R.B.
Mallow, for the love of God.
Cait
This is fully what I think every time Mallow has an opportunity to do something.
Aeri
Ya know, I started reading this cuz it looked spicy and cute. And now I’m completely invested in the drama. Down with Ammy! XD
Cait
Hahaha agreed!!!
Dinglehopper
I can relate directly to both Mallow and Abeilie. Toxic relationships are awful, because once the abuser gets in your head, it is extremely difficult to force them out. The victim often starts to believe that they are utterly worthless. It takes enormous courage AND a healthy support system. People can and do get out on their own, but it is Herculean. Every day you are with the toxic person feels like a roller coaster. The victim generally KNOWS, deep inside, that this isn’t right, but may have started to use the same negative phrases on themselves that the abuser foists on them. Where Mallow and Amaryllis are today is NOT how it started out. The second time I fell for a narcissist, I knew what I was experiencing when it started to happen and could name it: “I am being gaslit, and emotionally abused.” I couldn’t understand why there was still an attraction and I HATED it!
My therapist suggested Levine and Heller’s Attached book: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 That gave me some of the understanding of WHY I had formed a trauma bond with the narcissist. I am pleased to report that I finally cut the abuser out of my life and am in a much healthier relationship, but I didn’t do it alone. I had chosen family (i.e. my dearest friends) and regular therapy and independent reflection and reading.
Tina M Comroe
They always ask, “why didn’t you leave?” “If it’s so bad, why do you stay?” She needs to save her father and call the authorities on her mother. Abuse is seen as abhorrent in their society, as disgusting as full-on sexual contact and hugging anyone after childhood is done. Call the Authorities and demand protection for your father and yourself from your mother.
Rin
“She wants me to be ALONE, do you hear this MY HUSBAND WHOM I LIVE WITH?”
what the actual and proverbial crap is wrong with you Amaryllis
David
Well, royalty uses “we” meaning only one person. Amaryllis clearly is so modest that she uses “I” to refer to both her and Mallow. Singularis modestatis.
GrackleGirlAli
As someone with a narcissist mother like Amaryllis, I really hope her father does the same thing as my own father did: Leave her ass. Divorce her and move on. It’d be the best thing for him AND Abeille, who would have her father on her side, just like Ammy keeps insisting he is. Better on the side of someone who wants to be away from negativity than someone who keeps inflicting it without remorse.
Kiki
Part of me wants to see her “accidentally” smack Abeille’s flower; and then be all blase about mangling it… after all, who really cares about a dumb plant?
Seeing Abeille protect and nurse her flower back to health would be a nice symbolic representation of her breaking free completely from her mother’s influence.
wavewright62
For someone who complains about the heat on the planet, Amaryllis doesn’t do herself any favours by wearing long sleeves, layers, and a scarf. (I assume it’s because she expects the planet to conform to HER, and/or, she’s too cheap to spend credits on holiday clothes that are useless once she gets back to her frigid home.)
Love Not Found
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